I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
