Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
