Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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