dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
