White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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