So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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