You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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