chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
