I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
