turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
