I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
