Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
