I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
