so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
