someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
