trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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