i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
