he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
