Do you still have your period?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
