well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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