i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
