Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
