quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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