We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
