So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sober January is a disaster.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
