Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
