these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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