probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
