My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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