Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
