they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
