I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Operation Purity has been aborted
they're like a gay fantastic four
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
