Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
