i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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