She said her name was "party"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
