Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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