someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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