Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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