I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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