somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
