4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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