I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
