Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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