Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
