OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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