Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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