why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
