just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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