he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
