My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
