I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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